Anxiety is winning the battle at the moment. An ever present shadow, dancing in my peripheral, its becoming harder to function, to hide the worry and pretend everything is fine. Because its not. It’s a struggle to focus, to smile and laugh, to just get up, feed my family and open the barbershop. Honestly, thoughts of curling up in the foetal position in a warm, safe place, sing to me like a siren. A constant ball of worry resides in my stomach, my sleep is fitful, and over too soon. Anxiety is winning the battle.
TO an outside person, the facade is flawless. I smile, I laugh. I GET THINGS DONE. Yes, in capital letters. MY life is charmed- a loving, supportive husband, amazing children, a successful business that I enjoy. It makes no sense that I persistently and obsessively worry.
What about? Doesn’t matter. This may sound strange, but the worry comes well before the thing I worry about. I wake with the ball of anxiety, and search for something to attach it to. This is typical of generalized anxiety disorder, just one form of anxiety- there are others. Beyond Blue http://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/anxiety has incredible resources regarding anxiety (and depression) for the 30% of Australians who will experience anxiety in one form or another.
And I wasn’t always like this- it’s a relatively new thing to me. A laid back, happy child whose head was always in the clouds, I worried so little that it frustrated my family. After a few years of genuine life stress, the anxiety, once warranted, hasn’t left. For many years I practiced good mental hygiene, kept my thoughts and emotions healthy, but as anxiety’s grip tightens I know that I need to rediscover those good habits that left me happy and positive.
It’s time to fight back.